Dear Diary...

Good evening, greetings to all, yo! "How have you been ?", I wish I could say and actually get a reply. I've been fine, I suppose. No, actually that's a lie. I've been mostly depressed, and isn't it sort of the definition that you never really know why? I got the Sunday blues last week after having an actually delightful weekend. Then the Sunday blues became Monday blues, until they were entire week blues. Most of my thoughts have been "dear diary" ones, which is why I haven't posted anything. I refuse to make this blog that kind of diary-like nonsense and I doubt anyone would be interested in reading about it anyway. Instead I can tell you, I spent last weekend at a place by the sea, called Sounio, and dreamed about a cat with a black mustache that was actually me. The reason I'm telling you this is because I thought it extremely odd and wondered intensely about what it could mean. I also played Monopoly which brings out my seriously scary, competitive self, even scarier this time due to the fact I was drunk! What must be noted is that there are probably four people that I can call my favorite in the entire world and whom I love to bits and I got to spend two days with 2 of them. Yet I came back full of melancholy. All I wanted to do was listen to Ed Sheeran, which then turned into eating a large pizza by myself, that made things somewhat better. Still, I felt like a pile of crap, just waiting to be stepped on and ruin someone's day. Not even the Black Keys could make me smile. I had been planning for months to go see them in London and then the opportunity to see them in Paris came. I swore they would never ever come to Greece anyway. A few days later they announced they were playing in Athens in May. I was almost in tears and secretly thought to myself that I willed it to happen! Even Christmas, though I put up my adorable pink Christmas tree, seemed futile! I'd been a while since I felt this bad and had forgotten what it feels like. It's surprising how easy you get used to it again. Functioning as if everything is normal, getting work done, when actually you have difficulty standing up straight let alone walking, where every breath you take is physically exhausting and all you want to do is stay in bed and watch "When Harry met Sally"(well that part is optional but you get the point). It's quite easy to find yourself in this situation, and whether it's just sadness or depression to you it might feel like the end of the world, at least that's what it feels like for me. It's truly devastating and it takes time to re-introduce yourself to being, well, okay, I guess. Personally when times get tough as it were, I like to talk, even to myself, just to get it all out. I'll cry and I'll scream and I'll get angry and then sad again but that's alright. I figure that as long as I feel better at some point and as long as I still find things to laugh about it's okay to feel miserable at times and even to try and self-diagnose(even that is part of a human need to label or explain things that are happening to them). This horrid week is coming to its curtain call and I'm glad to say I survived, maybe not completely sane but lighter somehow. And in my scrambling for myself I discovered a video in which they've synced Taylor Swift's "Shake it off" with an 80s gymnastics video and found myself laughing uncontrollably and aspired to be more like that one black guy who you know is just having the time of his life! It's silly really but it did get me smiling again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJI-GqB-6Y